It is time, time to go back to making donuts, got to make the donuts. Did you ever see that Dunkin Donuts commercial years ago with the guy getting up in the dark to go in an make the donuts? Every time I get up to go to work or hear Aaron’s alarm I think of this commercial. Ironic since I make food that is healthy.
I am looking at the calendar and it says June but, some how I still think it is April. Is it really June? How can it be June already?
I have been home for nine months. Nine months that I could have never expected, prepared for, or even imagined. There has never been a time in my life more rich with emotion, healing, and joy. I was stripped to my core and have emerged a stronger, happier, and more present person. And most importantly, a mother.
These past nine months have been precious, and at the same time some of the most difficult moments I have ever experienced. Thousands of small steps and little moments have lead to this moment, which builds me up to lead to the next moment. The steps are small and sometimes unrecognizable to the “naked eye”. They started the minute I was wheeled out of the delivery room and continued on every time I hooked up to the breast pump and every time I walked out the hospital door without Eric.
Introducing Eric to the front of the flat,going outside, letting people in our house, stopping pumping, feeding Eric in public, driving with Eric, going out to dinner with Eric, leaving Eric with a baby sitter, going to Grandma and Grandpas have all been moves forward. It also took a while to feel comfortable re-introducing things I enjoyed before Eric was born; running, being out and about, going to grocery store, going to my office, and meeting friends, all without feeling tremendous amounts of anxiety.
Moving forward is a funny thing. You just do it. You may wonder how will we do it and than one day you are so far forward you hardly know where you began. So that is what we do, move forward without worrying about how because there is so much joy to experience and that is how you find it and fill your life with it.
All the things that fell away the day Eric was born we have been adding back to our world together so that he can learn the joy and bliss that they bring to each day.I am never moving forward alone. Eric and Aaron are with me every step. I know our dear friends, The Brown’s and Karbowski’s, are also moving forward with us.
I have learned more about myself, Aaron, and Eric than I could have imagined.I have come to know caring and tenderness from all of the people that have reached out to us in waves.
Now, together, my family and I open another door and walk through it to take on the next transition.